Cleveland Stories

There are a few things that have been on my mind almost constantly as of late:
-- my move to Cleveland
-- Donald Miller's book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years
-- Commonway church's sermon series on story
And I'm beginning to come to a point where I can see all three of these things overlapping, as so many things in life are want to do, right?

So here's what I'm starting to think:
-- If I am the protagonist in my own story (as The Holiday points out)
-- And the elements that make a good story make a good life
-- And that one of the elements of a good story is character: character development, strong character and a character who wants something, worthy of wanting and obtaining through conflict
-- And if one of the reasons I'm moving to Cleveland is because my protagonist (me) has not been going down a path leading to the character she (I) wants to be and it would be foolish to think the other elements, like setting, could stay the same but the character would develop differently. I mean, that's counter to the laws of physics and nature, right?
-- Then perhaps now is one of those points of a story where something changes in the story; perhaps now is the time to tell a different story or take my current story to a different depth or change my perspective

So how do I do this? Or what will this look like?
That's sort of what's been consuming my thoughts these days and here are a couple of really practical small steps:
-- attend Donald Miller's seminar in Portland about living a story worth telling
-- take a few classes to work towards a M.A. in English (Creative Writing) at Cleveland State University, taking about one class a semester starting after the New Year

Of course, the seminar is really expensive and the classes are not so cheap either, I guess ... school never is. Sooo, you may have to sit through a few trial blog posts, but I'm going to enter a competition to just win a trip to the seminar. Seems cheap enough to me, right?

On another note, or two:
I had a delightful day sitting with one of my coworkers and talking about music
And my next musical recommendation is: LCD Soundsystem. They're pretty silly, but brought me a lot of joy on my bike ride today.
Also: I just saw a Mercedes-Benz commercial that sounded like Arcade Fire takes on Beethoven Symphony No. 9

Old War Stories

I'm reading through the Bible chronologically with my friend Julie. She lives in Austria right now. Isn't that fun?! We're reading the Bible together, even though we live very VERY far apart on a regular basis. Anyway. Right now I'm reading about David and his life and adventures as a rogue soldier. Did you realize he's kind of like the original Robin Hood? Running away from the king? An outlaw? Robbing from the rich to give to the poor? It's great! Anyway. So I'm reading through 2 Samuel and 1 Chronicles today. Super exciting right? Actually ... yeah! I was reading these stories of David's Mighty Men and began to hear them in the same voice that you hear veteran's talk about the battles they were a part of. I realized ... war stories! These are just old war stories. Told by these old men who shared these experiences together. I mean, obviously they're IMPORTANT war stories, but still ... they're just old war stories. Isn't it great? Can't you just imagine these old men writing down these stories going ... "remember that time Benaiah chased that lion down into a pit and killed it even though it was snowing and icy?" or "what about that time the whole army chickened out and Eleazar and I were the only ones who would fight the Philistines and God gave us victory anyway?" The Old Testament takes on a different light when you remember that people are people ... even Old Testament people ... and that people have always been people. They're just stories. Some about war. Some about love. All about life.

To Finish or Not To Finish

Related to the last post and Amy's thoughtful and honest commentary, I got to thinking.

I am reading a book right now called Hannah Coulter by Wendell Berry. It's pretty marvelous. I'm really enjoying it. Even so, I find myself flipping to the back page and calculating how many pages I have left to read until it's finished. If I read x number of pages per day, it will take me y days to finish. Could I finish it today? And yet, I really like the book! So why am I looking to the back to see how soon it will be over? Why am I even reading? Is it only to check it off my to-do list too? Is this typical of our get-it-done culture? Maybe my generation, or my part of the generation ... the culturally-aware Christian group who tries to simultaneously simplify their lifestyle and increase their impact ... has moved on from trying to accumulate stuff to trying to accumulate accomplishments. It's not about how much you attain, but how much you achieve, how much you can check off your to-do list. Even how many stories you have to tell. Stories are great, but maybe we're meant to live them, not tell them?

I'm thinking about starting something that I know I won't be able to finish, something that will last my lifetime and maybe beyond. A lot of those things are already involved in my life. You know, being part of a family, creating a family (well, I haven't gotten quite there), being a Christian, being a musician, etc. etc. But what if I intentionally pursued something that I could never finish, never check off my to-do list. What if I couldn't even put it on my to-do list?

Any suggestions?

Family Stories

I had breakfast with my uncle and grandmother the other morning. It was a mix of delightful and annoying ... as interactions with families tend to be. But it was a lot more delightful than it was annoying. I got to hear a lot of stories I'd never heard before and learn a little bit more about my uncle, grandmother and grandfather. The whole experience reminded me of a project I once wanted to do. It renewed my desire to pursue this project. I would like to take an entire year and drive around the country, living with family members and collecting stories about their lives. Hearing things they remember, especially as it pertains to my grandmother and grandfather on my dad's side. Just in the one hour I spent with one uncle and my grandmother I heard at least three new stories. I know my cousins all have something to share, and we seem to be a family of storytellers.

I have, as you know, been reading a lot of Donald Miller lately and his book, along with his blog, ar encouraging me to try to figure out a way to do this.

Anybody have any ideas of grants I can try to get for this little project of mine?

I have some other, not-expensive ideas for something similar as well. For example, a family collective National Novel Writing Project with each arm of the family being assigned to about 1200 words of story from family life. It would be less expensive and less work for me, but more work for my family and would be great for their own growth, but I would be less a part of the process ... although we'd still get to read each other's stories. I've thought about also binding the collection of stories and giving them as gifts as part of Advent Conspiracy and at our family gathering having the authors of the stories read them out loud and recording it for my grandmother, since her eyesight is not the best anymore.

So that's an alternative to the big project, but it's not quite as fun.

Any ideas for me or for yourself?

Success

From today's sermon at Commonway.

Success.

Story.

Desire.

Success: To achieve a goal.

Story: A character who wants something and [must overcome] conflict to get it. Not all characters do overcome the conflict; they fail, I guess. Those are not good stories, though perhaps true. Success is to actually overcome, to obtain the object of desire.

What do I want?

What will it take for me to succeed?

What will be my success?

I want ___________________ and am willing to overcome conflict to get it.

I want music. But am I willing to overcome conflict to get it?

I want comfort. Am I willing to overcome conflict to get it? If I do, am I a success? Does it make a good story?

If other people see what I've done, and it's been true to what I want, but they laugh at me, will I still have succeeded? Will I still consider myself a success?

If no one sees what I've done, but I've been true to what I want, will I still have succeeded? Will I still consider myself a success?

If people see what I've done and celebrate me, but it hasn't been true to what I want, will I have succeeded? Will I consider myself a success?

I hope to say it doesn't matter what people say, if I know I've been true to what my heart wants, if I've pursued it, if I've overcome conflict, if I've obtained it, then I will consider myself a success.

But because of what it is that I want, if no one sees what I've done, I cannot have succeeded. They do not need to see it was me who did it, but they need to see it has been done. If they don't, I've failed greatly.

I want to live well & love much, to leave the world better than when I came and am willing to overcome conflict to get it.

I wish, anyway.

It Might Get Loud

Davis Guggenheim produced a documentary/film called It Might Get Loud featuring Jimmy Page of Led Zeppelin The Edge of U2 fame and Jack White of The White Stripes. These three bands are completely different. These three guitarists are completely different. But they have two very strong bonds -- the electric guitar and a love of music. Guggenheim basically talked to each of the three men individually and then set them all down together in a warehouse with their guitars and amps and filmed the ensuing conversation. I only had this movie going on in the background and it made for some nice background noise, but the deeper the movie went, the more I regretted not paying attention to it. I'm going to have to watch it on purpose all over again. To see these three unique music enthusiasts sharing their love candidly with one another -- it gives me hope for the world. Honestly. Watching their interaction and hearing their individual stories shows me again the importance of finding both what makes one's heart come alive (purpose) and finding people to share it with (community). We all have stories worth writing and stories worth hearing. What's yours?

What I want?

I keep saying that I'm going to get more serious about this blogging thing. That desire has been renewed yet again. One reason, my friend Gloria has started a wicked awesome blog that is sleek, entertaining and informative. I'm a little jealous! And inspired. A second reason, my friend Carl says I should be a book critic. His mom said I should be a book and music critic. I love that family. They take good care of me. But it makes me think I should be more diligent and disciplined about the writing I already do. Maybe I can put up some of my book reviews on here, etc. etc. But I'm not going to promise to be more serious, because we all know that I tend to break that promise a lot. Just look back through the history of this blog. Although Lent has been better. I'll give myself that. I wish I could have a recorder that would just record all my thoughts straight from my brain when they happen and then I could sift through them later. Because even though I keep a pad of paper/post-its and a writing utensil with me everywhere, sometimes either because of focus (or lack there of) or convenience/ease of writing at the time (i.e. driving) many thoughts get lost in the abyss because there's a disconnect between my brain and my pen. But if there were such a device, as could record my thoughts from my head, it would probably be ... creepy and potentially very dangerous. Think of it! Or don't, because the machine would capture those thoughts and use them against you. Now there's a horror story for you along the lines of 1984 meets Clarissa Explains it All. You know, the episode where she and her best friend Sam have to write a story and Sam suggests a story about someone who gets in the car to drive and then the doors lock automatically and the seatbelt automatically starts tightening and strangles the person. No wonder I'm so dark. That was my childhood t.v.! I will also choose to blame that show on my belief in best friends with no sexual undertones or tension. Thank goodness When Harry Met Sally straightened me up on all that.

Since that lesson on Tuesday I have been asking myself this question:

What do I want?

And today that question again came to the forefront of my thoughts, this time because someone else asked me that question. Well, that someone else was my pastor and he asked it to the whole congregation, but it might as well have been to me individually. It was amazing to see that question on the projector screen in bold white font against a stark black background. (Is there such a thing as a non-stark black?) But there it was. A real question to contend with. What does my character want?

I go back and forth between wanting comfort and wanting Life with a capital ife. Because Life with a capital L is Jesus, and that I've got, praise the Lord.

But as I sat in my chair during communion (because Lent forbids me from the taking of the holy sacrament until Easter, as per my understanding), a thought occurred to me.

What is something/are some things that I never ever regret after having done them?

Aside from brushing my teeth, showering, going to the bathroom, etc.

When I take a nap, I feel guilty because I should have been being productive (i.e. practice, reeds, laundry, reading, writing, 'rithmetic.)

When I read, I feel guilty because I should have been practicing.

When I practice, I feel guilty because I should not be so angry.

And by guilty, I don't really mean guilty, I mean ... regretful, I guess.

BUT

When I meet with people for coffee and go on adventures with people, I never regret it. Ever. Even awkward times. Seriously. At least, I can't recall any times that I regret it. Why? Because people are important. People are the point of life on Earth. Really. Truly. People make everything else worthwhile.

And generally writing. I don't regret writing when I do it ... although it's not always what I'd like it to be.

And driving. I don't regret driving. But let's focus on people.

With that thought and a recent discovery, I've decided to apply for a job. Yup. We'll see how it goes. But it does not require a music resume. It requires a real resume. Be praying for me!

What do I want?

I am cold all the time.

I've had a bit of a rough time with music lately. I have had a string of bad auditions and frustrating musical experiences. Taken individually they're not s bad, but when combined, one on the heels of the next, they are borderline overwhelming.

As I've said before, my church has been doing a sermon series about story and I've also been reading Donald Miller's new book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years which talks also about story. So according to the book, a story is a character who wants something and overcomes conflict to get it.

Simple. Right?

So let's apply this to my life.

Character: me

Wants something: ???

Stop. See the problem? I'm not sure anymore what it is that I want. Conflict I seem to have plenty of, but what I'm overcoming said conflict for, I have no idea.

Is it music? Because I've been awfully frustrated with it lately. And not so much with it, itself, but with what it is asking of me. I'm not totally convinced that the payoff is worth the effort. So what else could I want? Starbucks? Nice, but maybe not the story I'm looking for. Money? Nice, but maybe not a good story. Comfort? Nice again, but again, not a good story.

So what do I want???

I have no idea.

Character vs. Plot

My church is doing a sermon series on Story. Part of the influence is Donald Miller's new book A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. And driving that book is the idea that if you're life doesn't make a good story, it doesn't make much of a life either. As in, if someone were making a movie of your life, or compacting your life into a novel, would it be interesting? Strange question, I guess. I sort of figure everyone's life would be interesting, or at least they think it would be, since it's their life, and they chose it and all. But maybe I'm wrong. I think mine would be interesting, mostly.

Anyway. Last week we talked about plot vs. character. Your life, your story, is not only about what you do and what happens to you. What makes a really good story is the character. And the idea that plot comes out of character. Character first, then plot. So the question this week via twitter was: "How could living with focus on the character instead of the plot relieve stress/pressure in your life?"

So if you're thinking about who you become instead of what happens, it takes focus off something you don't have control over and puts it on something in your hands. That's a little bit of a relief right? But maybe a little bit more pressure too, because it's something you can do something about. So you'd better do it right.

But I think it's less pressure. Or less unnecessary pressure at least.

Day 4 of Lent. No cheating that I know of. But today was a hard day. I really wanted cookies or chocolate. Haven't done all the reading I wanted to do though. The Book of Common Prayer is a little monotonous to me ... sorry. I hate to say it, but it's true.

Crazy day tomorrow. Time now for bed.