Since that lesson on Tuesday I have been asking myself this question:
What do I want?
And today that question again came to the forefront of my thoughts, this time because someone else asked me that question. Well, that someone else was my pastor and he asked it to the whole congregation, but it might as well have been to me individually. It was amazing to see that question on the projector screen in bold white font against a stark black background. (Is there such a thing as a non-stark black?) But there it was. A real question to contend with. What does my character want?
I go back and forth between wanting comfort and wanting Life with a capital ife. Because Life with a capital L is Jesus, and that I've got, praise the Lord.
But as I sat in my chair during communion (because Lent forbids me from the taking of the holy sacrament until Easter, as per my understanding), a thought occurred to me.
What is something/are some things that I never ever regret after having done them?
Aside from brushing my teeth, showering, going to the bathroom, etc.
When I take a nap, I feel guilty because I should have been being productive (i.e. practice, reeds, laundry, reading, writing, 'rithmetic.)
When I read, I feel guilty because I should have been practicing.
When I practice, I feel guilty because I should not be so angry.
And by guilty, I don't really mean guilty, I mean ... regretful, I guess.
When I meet with people for coffee and go on adventures with people, I never regret it. Ever. Even awkward times. Seriously. At least, I can't recall any times that I regret it. Why? Because people are important. People are the point of life on Earth. Really. Truly. People make everything else worthwhile.
And generally writing. I don't regret writing when I do it ... although it's not always what I'd like it to be.
And driving. I don't regret driving. But let's focus on people.
With that thought and a recent discovery, I've decided to apply for a job. Yup. We'll see how it goes. But it does not require a music resume. It requires a real resume. Be praying for me!