I enjoy reading and writing ideas, but I do not so much enjoy speaking them. Well, I do. Just not when someone counters them. Which, you know, puts debate to bed quite quickly. I think I like reading and writing because it allows me to keep the ideas to myself, where they are safe. At least to me. They could be incomplete or even wrong, but they're safe and apparently in my own personal economy, safety and comfort are more valuable than truth. Which is a curious discovery, seeing as I value honesty and authenticity among the chief qualities of a person.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
I have the gift of having a handful of friends gathered at my house for the next few days prior to another friend's wedding. These friends are so thoughtful and intelligent, it shames me. And they have spent the last thirty minutes or so engaging in the exchange of ideas. I have not offered much of anything to the conversation, but I have listened and taken it in and been pondering. Not because I am more thoughtful, but because I am insecure about the things which happen in my head. I've realized that I would not have done well in the age of antiquity in the great Greek debates with Plato, Aristotle, etc. etc. all the great thinkers. I would have loved to just sit around and soak it all in, but I'm not sure the teachers would have let me get away with it, at some point they would have drawn me into conversation and then I would have choked on my insecurity and died.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
For being a person who notoriously says "Make Good Choices!" the title and subject of this post is pretty funny.
I have a friend who feels that she needs to take an action which I consider to be a poor choice. Not because I'm judging or whatever, but because I myself in my past life have felt the need to take the very same action and have regretted it ... every. single. time. Now, I do not feel that I have the right really to tell this friend that this choice is not-the-best because we're new friends. And she says she felt God leading her to take this action yesterday, but she didn't do it. And she says she feels it's something she needs to do for herself. But it's not going to go well. Not going to go well at all.
So I think to myself, if I were in that position and I took this action, feeling God was leading me to it, or okay-ing it at the very least, and it didn't go well, what would I think or do?
You know what I would think?
"WHY?! Why God, did you tell me or let me do this thing when it was clearly such a poor choice? Why did you lead me into a poor choice?"
And then I think, God would not lead me into a poor choice ... or would He?
Then I remember briefly that line from the Lord's prayer ... "And lead us not into temptation" ... although that's not necessarily what I think that means, but it's there ... nonetheless.
God can be a tricky little one (i.e. outsmarts me all the time). And I wonder if this is a thing my friend needs to do to learn a lesson about trusting Him or about His character and His provision. And maybe this is the most effective way for her to learn this lesson, or an important step in the process.
And now I wonder how many poor choices God has actually led me into or allowed me to make in order that I may learn lessons it would have taken me years or longer to learn.
What about you?
*Author's note: The poor choice is only destruction to the ego and one's pride. Not to the physical body.*
*Also note: My roommate made several poor, but appropriate, choices today ... as in, three servings of ice cream and no actual food.*
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
The harder I work, the more exhausted I become. The more I praise the LORD, dwelling on His works that His hands have made - His people, His land, His trees, His music, His canvas full of color and sound and light - the more refreshed I become. Essentially, the less work I do, the more I am refreshed. But it is neither easy nor nothing to praise the LORD. One must put aside all other earthly thoughts and cares and, wavering at first, seek the LORD in all His glory. Sometimes in the darkest places. But what is the depths of darkness to Him who is Light? Wherever we go, there shall be light, for when we rest in God, He has prmised us Himself to go with us - never to forsake or leave us. Never. No matter the darkness - small or big - the author and creator of Light and its essence will hem us in - before, behind, beside.
Before. Behind. Beside.
Monday, July 5, 2010
I am not one, but there are some people who are so full of Christ and the presence of the LORD that it cannot be contained within their bodies, within themselves and it spills out, this glorious outpouring - in music, in song, in words, in movement, in color. And it is a beautiful mess. It is a fearsome thing to behold. Humbling, penetrating, awful and awesome. To those who trust in the LORD, it is refreshing and exhausting and fearsome. To those who hide from Him it is crushing, exposing - ripping away their insecurities. But there are none that are neutral or unaffected because it is the Truth of who God Himself is and that cannot be escaped. God will not be ignored. Every knee will bow in that day. Some will plead for mercy, some will have faces that shine. None shall be silent and all shall be silent.