The Scientist

Any of you who know me probably also know that I do not do "good-byes" notoriously well. Well, I haven't even said goodbye in Austria, yet (I have about three hours to go) and I am already not doing well. Blame it on lack of sleep, lack of nutrition, complete emotional exhaustion or just a really tender heart. Whatever it may be, I have already cried at least once this morning thinking about having to leave and am beginning to again, as I write this. This trip has been absolutely indescribable, really. And I am really ready to go home. I am ready for normal showers (not with windows in the bathroom or showers in the kitchen), I am ready for my bed (not plywood or a couch), I am ready to return to Starbucks and my regulars (not sleeping any time I have no rehearsal or concert to play), I am ready to drive my car (not ride 4-8 hours in a bus, plane or train), I am ready to go to small group and ready to see my parents and ready to go back to church (not just listen to their sermons while sitting next to teenagers making out on the plane).
But I am not ready to leave. I am not ready to leave quaint little Europe, it's architecture, it's lighting and it's history. I am not ready to leave new friends with potential depth of friendship, or at least really great music making. I am not ready to leave really high quality food. I am not ready to leave life on my own. Most of all, I am not ready to leave my good friend Christian. He has been a constant encouragement to me since I met him 5 years ago in England. We have had some of the most amazing conversations full of honesty and depth and vulnerability and truth. Which we tend to follow with a ridiculous question about the merits of farting. Truly.
It's time for me to begin transitioning back into "the real world," but it's times like this that truly make me long for Heaven, because I do not like to be parted from my friends for long, especially not really good, true friends. The kind who stick closer than a brother.
I would like to encourage you, today, or sometime, to call up a friend, or write them a letter (I really like letter writing ... they can also then keep it to refer back to later) and remind them that you love them and what impact they have made on your life. We all need to be reminded every now and again.

But I must say, after re-reading this, it sounds like he died. But he hasn't. So I do have the hope of hanging out with him again relatively soon, like, this summer when he comes back to the States for his sister's wedding or when I hopefully go to Finland again for Halo. *phew* Smile's back on my face.

I don't know what song can sum up my feelings best, but I'll go with Natasha Bedingfield's rendition of "The Scientist." Also here's a photo of Christian and Michael taken by Christian's neighbor from a pre-Christmas party in Austria.


The Scientist
(original by Coldplay; cover by Natasha Bedingfield)

Come up to meet you
Tell you I'm sorry
You don't know how lovely you are
I had to find you
Tell you I need you
Tell you I set you apart
Tell me your secrets
Ask me your questions
Oh let's go back to the start
Running in circles
Coming up tails
Heads only science apart

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
Oh, take me back to the start

(Take me back to the start)

I was just guessing at numbers and figures
Pulling your puzzles apart
Questions of science
Science and progress
Do not speak as loud as my heart
Oh, oh tell me you love me
Come back and haunt me
Oh and I rush to the start
Oh running in circles
Chasing our tails
Oh coming back as we are

Nobody said it was easy
It's such a shame for us to part
Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said it would be this hard
I'm going back to the start

(I'm going back to you, yeah
Oh, oh yeah
Take me back
Take me back
Take me back to you
Take me back
Take me back
Take me back
Take me back
Take me back to the place where I first loved you ...)

Better

Just made it back to civilization, I mean. Graz. Everyone is fine. All luggage is accounted for. And now it's time for bed. But we did have a lovely walk to Christian's apartment. It was long because we were tired, but it was beautiful because it's snowing again. Not like angry China snow that eats away at your bones down to the marrow ... but gentle Graz snow, welcoming us back and making things look new and clean. Thanks, Graz. I like you too. Another update will come tomorrow since I am allowed to update a blog in this country. No bitterness, though. Yes!

Song: Better
Artist: Regina Spektor.

I keep singing it when I wake up from any number of naps I've taken in the last few days of travel by bus and plane.

Hey everyone! I'm sorry for taking so long to update, it turns out that my blog is blocked in China. I don't think it's anything personal against me, just all blogging is blocked in China. Wow! Right? So, many thanks to Sarah T. for putting this blog up for me. Bassoonists are the best kinds of friends! It makes me feel a little bit like Paul, actually, you know? When he thanks whoever for notating his letters to the churches, etc. It's great!

Anyway. This trip. Wow. I don't even really know how to describe it. At this point we're over halfway through. It's New Year's Eve and I have to get ready to play a concert tonight. It has not been the most musically edifying trip, except that I'm playing principal and everyone generally seems to like my solos, at least my friends (new and old) and the conductor do. I haven't heard so much from the people who most likely hate me for other reasons. So that's been good. And it's definitely growing me in stability, consistency and strength as a player. I've been pushing the limit on my embouchure endurance, but I think I've passed the really difficult stages now and can make it through a whole concert relatively in shape. It's a great excuse to not practice during the day ... hehe.

The trip hasn't done much for my relationship with China. I still don't care for it much and I'd probably be fine if I never came back here. It's dirty. My hands turn black just from being outside. Either because of soot and smog or frostbite. Currently we're in northern China and it's at least 27 degrees below 0. Aack! I have never been this cold in my life, but actually, I seem to have prepared pretty well for it and between my coat, my long johns and my hat and gloves I'm doing pretty well. Then again, I wasn't on a bus for two to three hours without heat like some of my colleagues were.

Personally, this trip has been very ... I don't even know how to describe it. There have been some really difficult moments for me individually, dealing with loneliness (which is normally a result of exhaustion), but from that standpoint, the Lord has been very good to me in building endurance of body and spirit. There are four Americans on this trip and we are also the only four Christians on this trip. This is no coincidence, I think. And it's been so good that all four of us are on this trip. Julie, my roommate, is spectacular. She's one of the most good-hearted, gentle people I've ever met. Michael is great to have to lighten tension, to make you laugh and to just be a general encouragement. He's also good friends now with some of the most difficult people on the trip, so that's definitely valuable. Christian is now one of my oldest friend and so good. He's challenged me a lot in my character and faith, and we generally just work well together building each other up and sharpening each other. This trip has been in general, though, a real test of integrity and character. We've had some very difficult situations arise which have caused serious tension within the orchestra. Like I just referenced, some of them had to ride a bus for a few hours without heat in very sub zero temperatures. Nothing was done about it. This is absolutely unacceptable and our conductor graciously gave them the option of not playing the concert that night, which they chose. I completely stand by them from that respect, but the challenge came in whether or not we could still do a good concert without their presence AND that it would be almost blessing the neglect of the organization by playing a concert in spite of the conditions. Those of us who could play opted to play a shortened, chamber orchestra version of our normal program. It was not our worst concert, which was good. As an idealist, general pacifist, Christian and American, I believe that you play no matter what the circumstances. This entire trip has been full of situations like that and unfortunately the same people who were stuck in the cold bus are also the ones who have been very vocal about the terror that has been this trip.

Today we are in Daqing which is near Russia and Siberia. Tomorrow we go to Harbin and have our first full day off since the beginning of the trip. We're going to see the ice castle/ice festival. When I can, I'll have Sarah post some pictures from that. For now I have just a couple pictures from our morning on the Great Wall, if Sarah can figure out how to put them on. That was VERY cool. It seems that "small town" China (which is still bigger than Chicago) appeals to me more, but still, I am not what you would call "enamored" with the country.

No song lyrics today. I guess Ingrid Michaleson's "Are we There Yet?" is becoming even more poignant now, though. So enjoy the pictures.